well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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