ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
