if only i could text you this smell
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
