It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
