every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Randomize
