You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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