He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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