It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
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