It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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