good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
