She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize