So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
