last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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