Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
