I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
