I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
