Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
