Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
