Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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