mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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