A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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