no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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