Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
