Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
