I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Randomize
