awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
whose parrot is this?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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