Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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