So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
