i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
