end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I want her autograph on my taint
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
