I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
