I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
