thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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