Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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