i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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