i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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