smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
