Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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