its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
