Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
