Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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