i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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