he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
