how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I am naked and annoyed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
