Need sex. Gaining weight.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
