Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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