i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
