Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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