I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
