Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Randomize
