You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
