i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
