and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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