I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You were trust falling into bushes
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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