You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
