she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize