so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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