Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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