Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
