Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
