FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
